Life on the flipside.
Current Mood : Calm yet bored
Current Track : Worker Poor - Paradis ( part of the David Carretta -
Electro Dash mix).
Anectode on that track, it contains hilarious french lyrics that I will
write and translate here :
J'ai vécu des moments étranges
(I experienced strange moments)
J'ai rencontré Dieu dans un solarium
(I met God in a greenhouse)
Il était là, il mangeait une pomme
(He was there, eating an apple)
Je lui demande " où est-ce que tu vis ? "
(I asked him " where do you live ? ")
Il m'a répondu " T'as pas lu mon bouquin, p'tit con ? Au PARADIS ! "
(He answered " didn't you read my book, dumbass ? IN HEAVEN ! ")
On that note, ROTFL. Best track lyrics I've heard in a long time.
Well, it is done. I have finally moved to new horizons. It's been a week
and a few days now. Yes, I have moved in with my girlfriend despite an
ocean of doubt. I'm pretty certain you are all wondering what came out
of that so far. Well I'll tell you : in all honesty, it's awesome. It
really is.
Ever since we moved, we don't have to do backflips to see each other, we
finally share the same bed and living space and we both actually got
some much needed sleep. And sleep was indeed what made things difficult
between me and her. I lacked sleep for weeks and formulated all sorts of
impossible scenarios and paranoid theories about our relationship while
she lacked sleep for months and, well, I can't imagine going without
actual sleep for so long, much less being all smiles and happiness.
The loft is incredibly quiet and relaxing and is almost therapeutic in
its ability to make us both disconnect from our work lives and just
slump on a couch and chill. Yes, I will eventually post pictures here,
don't worry.
That being said, we are both happy to be there and much more opened to
each other needs. For weeks, we barely spoke to each other, much less
engaged in any physical contact whatsoever. Now, I hug her, kiss her,
touch her and she genuinely seems to enjoy it, much to my relief.
I can see it in her. She's feeling a whole lot better : more stable,
relaxed and receptive. She smiles a lot more and I constantly make her
laugh which is just as valuable to me as affection. In turn, seeing her
like that makes me feel like a million dollars. I feel very much
empowered by the fact that my actions have such a positive effect on
her. I am in such a good mood. Honestly. LOL. Hard to believe, I know.
In other news, I went to my ex yesterday ( well, my former residence I
should say ) to picck up the rest of my stuff and managed to slip on
some ice and fell sideways, landing on my left hand. That brought me
here today, at the clinic, to have my left thumb looked at : it's big
and swollen and hurt like hell when I move it. I am typing with my right
thumb and my left index on my Hiptop, if that's any indication.
My ex made a makeshift brace with surgical tape and wooden chopsticks as
stabilisers, ironically enough. Been waiting for more than 2 hours now,
and bored beyind belief.
So that's what's new for now, more to come on all these new things
obviously ( digital cable & internet installed on friday, woohoo ! )
In the meantime, farewell my friends and I'll see you soon.
:-D
Mass hysteria
Current Mood : ConfusedCurrent Music : Nick Beat - Technodisco (Pascal F.E.O.S. Remix)Wow, I think this is the first or second post that I blog WITHOUT a Hiptop ( which would explain why things are suddently colored or in bold ).
Ok, lots of weird ass shit is happening in my life right now. For one, today, me and Annick paid the loft's security deposit therebt securing the space. It's now officially ours. By deduction, this also means I'm officially moving by March 1st, officially making the remaining days the only time I have left to pack, get rid of the stuff I want to sell of drop off to various charities and such ( like books and clothes ) and most likely start off a new job.
The weirdness resides with my current girlfriend's attitude. Our relationship was all good, lovey-dovey stuff until 2 weeks ago. The " I love you " and " you are so the woman of life " messages moreless came to a screeching halt. January 29th, she went to one of our mutual friend from work, got unbelievably high off a cocktail of drugs, wrote a slew of incoherent text messages that, quite frankly, got me concerned. The next few days, she barely messages me anymore, doesn't reply to her messages and eventually tells me she's not sure about moving in together anymore and, in fact, isn't even sure we are still together.
It should be noted that before she told me this, I ran 742 possible scenarios as to what the fuck was happening with her, from her just being stressed out to her sleeping with some guy that saturday night and she can't tell me about it.
Regardless, I am told at this point that I lack experience and I'm childish. Could be true about the childish thing although I mentioned I would try and make it a bit more mature. She reluctantly agreed because she's one of these people who believe that I'm programmed this way, it's part of my character and I can't change. I hope to God she notices the effort I'm willing to put into this because that week had the psychological effect of me walking barefoot in a minefield. I went from super-depressed to us hooking up and me being super happy then back to depression become of the " not so sure about our relationship ". So much fun ( read : a cold steel bullet through my head sounded just about lovely at that point ) !
God, I could finish this but I'm falling asleep...more later on the conclusion of our now iffy relationship.
Allelu...what ?
Current Mood : Curiously relaxed
Current Music : the sweet sound of pneumatic tires on metal tracks.
Forgot my MP3 player at my girlfriend's house today. A sign of things to
come.
Well !
Rejoice boys and girls ! Watch the angels descend in a heavenly chorus !
Let the holy light shine upon thee filthy mind ! Clap your hands, raise
them high and chant " oh bless you Lord ! "
Thou humble servants time hast cometh !
As of January 4th, I am officially unemployed ! I have been released
from this wretched smoldering pit of psychological magma !
Well, it's not so dramatic, mind you but yeah my ass has been officially
retired from my former employement ( at a 4-letter canadian cellular
provider starting with F and ends with O ).
Furious ? Nope. Angry ? A bit I guess. Dazed ? That, yeah. Confused ?
Hell yeah.
How this gruesome tale came to be ? Having possibly directed several
trusted individual towards this site for an explanation of my rushed
farewells a few days ago, I shall explain in the form of a very
intuitive FidoZone FAQ style. Bear in mind that the opinions expressed
here are solely mine, not my former employer, supervisor, manager or
anybody else there. So if anybody from there comes reading here
uninvited and start crying, bitching and moaning, take your bib and
pacifier and shove it. I've had more than enough of immature
kindergarden whining :
Q : what happened ?
A : just read the whole thing, damn it.
Q : ok then the reason why they " let you go " ?
A : undisciplinary conduct
Q : didn't you get a written warning prior ?
A : yes. A 3 day and a 5 day suspension too. In a 2 year span for stuff
not necessarily related.
Q : why didn't you stop ?
A : why don't we ask the other 15 other CSRs I know who do what I did on
a daily basis ? I did stop aside from one crucial time. Read on.
Q : what happened for the other ones ?
A : well the written warning I don't recall ( prrobably didn't follow
procedure like mention the goddam referral on every call or something ).
The 3-day suspension was for transferring a client back in the RAC cue
and the 5-day one was for writing an e-mail while the client was on
hold.
Q : why did you do that ?
A : well, you may have heard about this wonderful thing called
depression. It makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. Like
considering murdering clients on any given day. Or leaving bitchy
demeaning clients on hold. Some days were worse than others. Try and
guess which ones...
Q : did you do that to good clients too ?
A : you make it sound like I took a habit out of doing that. Yes a few.
But hey, try doing 3 straight years of customer service with a smile on
your face everyday on for size and make me feel bad about what I did.
I'm not glad I did it but after such a long time of enduring incessant
bitching and whining and complaining - not mentioning dealing with some
horrendously unsounded corporate decisions - you start to get a bit
unsensitive and generally pissed off.
Q : erm ok. How did you get...erm...fired though ?
A : well, let me recall a few events before I start with that. Remember,
those are my impressions and perceptions according to how I lived
through this ordeal :
• My former coach Martin got transfered to WTS so the entire team
got split up and me and a few others got drafted in M---o's team (
withheld for obvious reasons. ) Right off the bat, no welcoming reunion,
no personal meeting, nothing. I thought it was odd but thought nothing
of it.
• A month later, december 2nd, I get called to his desk for
écoutes. Got most calls right aside from one which didn't " follow
procedure ". Involves changing an address in V21 instead of ZoneClient.
As to why I should add an extra step with ZoneClient when the client
requested the change of addy to be immediate, he just stared blankly,
probably thought I was defiant and simply replied " it's the procedure.
Just do it, ok ? ". My educated interpretation of this was " I have no
clue myself but stop breaking my balls, alright ? "
• this meeting concluded with him saying " you ok ? You don't sound
so hot ? ". Told him how bad I felt, angry, tired, uninterested and felt
like crap. He basically said something like " oh well. If there's
anything wrong, come see or another coach. " Pointing me in the right
direction, Warren-Shepell to this affect, would've been the LEAST he
could've done. But no. Let this be a warning to others in his team :
this guy is ill equipped to deal with anyone who's depressed. If you
are, make sure to spell it out for him clearly and ASK HIM where you
should go for that, don't wait for him to make a move.
• December 5, 3 days later, I get called to his desk again. We
review a call and I'm caught working on a graphic for my Help page while
a client's on hold. I'm served a 5-day suspension. Not one chance
allowed. Not one " you're new in my team, we haven't even spoken about
what I want as a coach because, well, we didn't have a meeting aside
from 3 days ago so look, I won't report this one 'cause I wanna win your
trust but please don't do this again " chance. Oh no. No no. And that
not even a WEEK after *almost* telling him I was about to jump off a
bridge and cried at his desk, for Christ's sake. Such sensitivity. Let
that be lesson to you : your trivial personal life has no meaning
whatsoever for this guy and must not interfere with your professional
life. Ever. You have to deal with it like the man you are. Even if
you're a woman, is that understood ? The last thing he wants in his team
is someone dragging behind.
• I spent the following weeks freaking out about rent, bills and
expenses ( note : had the week suspension and an already scheduled week
of vacation. )
• January 3. Happy New Year, sucker : 15 minutes before my shift, I
get called to his desk again, after a month of virtually not seeing his
face to learn of a newly recorded call where I'm seen writing just about
the only e-mail I sent since my suspension, being the adorably paranoid
freak that I am. I remember that call. Call it force of habit for having
done it for 3 years with no mention of wrongdoing and having it brought
to my attention only recently, I started writing an e-mail, stopped,
thought " oh no, f**king shit, what am I doing ? No no no no no... " and
switch back to the account cursing internally for having had a momentary
relapse. Oddly enough, THAT one call gets recorded by Monitoring and
flagged. I don't know about you but I find this very very...what's the
term...convenient ? I get asked to pack my things, go home and await
further news as H.R. and my manager will get contacted to discuss a
proper course of action.
• January 4, 4pm. I go to what I would call work for the last time
and sit in the Alfredo room ( meeting rooms named after pasta sauces ?
What the hell were they smoking ??? ) as I get " thanked " for my
services. I could almost see the corners of my (ex)coach's mouth curl
upwards. I get the corporate spiel and the meeting concludes. From that
point on, my coach follows me around like he's the President's bodyguard
or something. I log off the computer, am prompted to give back the
headset to which I proceed to extract from my pigeonnier, give it to
him, am shown the door, elevator, glass turnstile, outside in the lobby.
Give my access card, am presented a hand and " I don't know if you wanna
shake my hand or not but here... " and I shake, like the sport I am. I
exit the building, freak out and call my girlfriend.
Q : wow. You did screw up though, you can't blame everything on your
coach.
A : oh I know. 3 years there turned my brain to mush but I haven't
sunken that low. Indeed I am to blame. What I despise is the lack of
employee outreach and the dehumanisation of conduct my coach exhibited.
I found the lack of genuine care appalling. I was treated like " problem
employee number 2 " regardless of my psychological condition. Had these
situations been treated appropriately, I would still be working there.
Q : couldn't you mention something to your manager or something ?
A : if there's one thing I learned working there is that complaining
gets you nowhere. People there aren't too keen on changing things, for
better or for worse. If a problem arises, everyone will ( or be forced
to ) find a way around it instead of trying to solve it. You can't
possibly convince me you haven't noticed this before : contingency
plans, quick fixes, bent procedures, 3 newsbriefs saying to do it this
way, than not, than back again. And even if I avoided all this, they
would've pinned my ass on something else, trust me.
Q : so what now ?
A : the temptation of getting a job at Atelka, laying back and " having
fun " screwing things up is incredibly tempting but 1. the salary just
isn't there and 2. I'd be dumping this on CSRs whom are the last
individuals I want to make life miserable for. Otherwise, I'll be
looking for another job in a company that will hopefully be smart enough
to take advantage of my computer skills this time.
Q : I guess you'll be trying to convince people to avoid the company
now, right ?
A : I'm not 15 years old, I'm able to recognize a good product when I
see one. I have a Hiptop and am happy about the service in general. I
will most certainly NOT recommend anyone to go work there though.
Q : will you keep in touch ?
A : I'll try to as much as I possibly can considering I didn't get to
properly say goodbye. I'm always reachable at psonyk@gmail.com though so
don't hesitate to write me for anything. I will try and rally most of
you for a proper goodbye party somewhere when I get enough money to get
plastered. LOL.
Well there you have it, folks. Again, if you find the contents of this
blog to be offensive, unjustified or just plain evil, shove off. There's
plenty of other stuff to read online. Put your headset on, log into your
Aspect, press Outside Line 1 and call somebody who cares. Just make sure
to make it quick and don't use too much Wrap-up afterwards.
This blog allows for comments by the way, don't hesitate. Know that all
negative comments will be laughed at. You have been warned.
Hope your enjoyed my story and remember that psonyk.blogspot.com is
opened 24h a day. ;-)
Take care kids. You'll get more news soon and for those who don't,
e-mail me, ok ?
Good luck with the continuing customer service onslaught. I salute you
heroes. Xoxxoxo
180 degrees
Current Mood : Elated
Current Music : Rita Mitsouko - C'est Comme Ça (on "repeat")
Ok yeah, it's been that long. But whatever, no one seems to know this
blog even exists despite having mentioned it to a number of people
before.
So, what happened throughout this period ? A LOT of things. I'll try my
best to sum it up as much as humanly possible.
For what seemed like an eternity but was in reality about a month or so,
I have been feeling increasingly depressed (wow, big surprize there) to
a point where I felt I really should see a doctor. An old friend of mine
recommended I call a doctor that helped her out tremendously.
Apparently, he's been keeping busy doing just that for half the planet.
A call to his office turned out an available place only in february. I
called before mid-december.
Never mind that since my condition required immediate care. Obviously,
that only helped me feel even worse.
Things went berzerk at work for me : after talking to my
less-than-a-month-in-his-team coach ( to which I never even get a "
welcome to the team " handshake ) and proceeded to confide to him my
lack of interest in one of my calls we just reviewed because, let's be
honest, I was absolutely and utterly depressed, he thought appropriate
to make things a whole lot more interesting by shoving a 5-day
suspension down my throat for quickly finishing an e-mail while the
arrogant client was on hold - which 3/4 of the floor does anyway but
*I* ended up being caught. Of course. *Rolls eyes*
So only 3 weeks paid for a month. I couldn't pay rent. Thankfully my
parents live downstairs and own the duplex so I was able to get a break
and managed to breathe a bit easier in the process.
Spent 2 weeks ( suspensed week + one week vacation ) doing absolutely
sweet fuck all. My day consisted of getting up early - around 4pm -
ass-scratching, eating, balls-scratching, playing Prince of Persia : The
Two Thrones ( more on that later ) and heading to my friend Stéphane*
for our daily ganja intake, play Halo, watch movies or what the english
like to call " the telly ".
My weekends consisted of getting as drunk or stoned as humanly possible
with the help of my dear friend Annick ( read more about her below ).
Then, yet again, life throws a fucking curveball right in your family
jewels and manages to laugh it up an inch away from your distorted face
as your hang on to your privates for dear life.
The revelation came in the form of an alcohol and " other substances
"-fueled weekend last week where I was invited to crash at Annick's
place to...well...sober up I guess. But contrary to usual, something
else happened : exhausted and equally depressed, she managed to spill
all her collected marbles and shed an unending stream of sorrow and pain
filled tears, constantly repeating " I'm so fucking sad. I hurt so much
inside. "
I looked at her in disbelief. I though she was the strongest of both but
it seems looks can be deceiving.
Since december 18th, I have spent every night sleeping at her place,
hugging, kissing and being as affectionate as much as she allowed me to
be...as much as she needed it. Text messages are exchanged all day
sharing how we miss each other when we part.
And you know what ? As I re-read below about that whole freaking out
thing about her a few months ago, I forced myself to see her as a good
friend and that's it. And I did. And I'm damn proud of that because I
never thought I'd see through my emotions and just be friends with
someone I fell in love first. But I did. It was heart-wrenching but I
motherfucking did it.
After that little chubby bastard Cupid had its laughs, he pitied me
enough to let me have what I faught so hard to emotionally detach myself
from.
As I write these words, coming back from her apartment, I feel elated,
the grim blackness that shrouds me on a daily basis strangely lit
exposing colors I have not seen in months, perhaps years. Some I never
knew existed. Life isn't in different shades of grey anymore. The best
part is that very same emotional distance I mentioned earlier. I am
incredibly close to her but I'm surprizingly level-headed for once in my
life, not prone to emotional outlash and declarations of love.
And thank God. I am certain the last thing she needs in her life right
now is a complicated and demanding relationship. I seem to be playing my
cards right because she genuinely seems to love my ever-growing presence
in her life. I have made it my own personal mission to disturb her life
as little as possible, trying to prevent her from cancelling client
appointments ( she's an incredibly talented clothing designer and I'm
not just saying that ) or rescheduling because of me.
But she keeps reinviting me to sleep over her place nonetheless. I
haven't slept in my own bed in 10 days...and enjoying every minute of
it.
Saying I am happy would be a bit much but this definitely shows me there
is more to life than just being miserable and broke.
And if I'm able to make her feel this way too, all this effort will be
worthwhile...
* : for all you non-french peeps out there, Stéphane is the french
equivalent of Stephen or Sreven, if you will.
Life & tribulations of an emo
Current Mood : Perplexed
Current Music : Blondie - Atomic (The Hacker remix)
It's been a while, I know. This sad pathetic emo apologizes. I've been
through few interesting stuff lately.
Got in touch with an old friend from raves lately, she used to be that
one person who's always positive, smiling and dispensing good vibes like
the good candy raver she was back then.
Times have changed, she's now away in another city and abandoned raving
years ago. Through the magic of internet, we re-developed our long lost
friendship...and more. Friendship almost turned into relationship as the
word " love " was thrown around like cheap beer at a frat party.
A few weeks later, she finds a way to come to Montreal in extremis. I
was expecting our "relationship" to blossom even more but it turns out
she wasn't so sure anymore. We stay friends even though I may have some
remaining feelings for her. I had a small crush on her back then and it
surfaced with this episode.
So yeah, I managed to hurt myself. Again. How fucking surprizing of me.
Guess what, I dress like an emo, I talk like an emo, I probably think
like an emo. One things for sure, I am unmistakenly emo : slave to my
goddam loving feelings.
I miss her, feel like touching her, play with her hair, caress her
face.
*sigh*
I really should start writing funny stuff instead of all that
sentimental crap all the time...and wonder why nobody reads my blog.
Oh, btw here is a pic I took of me at work. It could be worst, it could
be better, you tell me. In a few days, this pic will not be so accurate.
I'll explain why soon !
In the meantime , enjoy !
Spartans, Brand new Hiptops, Electro nights and other pleasant randomness
Current Mood : Elated & giddy ( unbelivably enough )
Current Music : Pendulum - Toxic Shock
Sun Sept 4 - Wed Sept 7 :
Uneventful work crap under my name schedule which is 11h30am to 7h30pm.
No LOA whatsoever. Shouldn't complain, had a ton the week before. Some
handset problem ( Hiptop rebooted non-stop ALL NIGHT ! )
Thu Sept 8 :
Hiptop rebooted non-stop ALL DAY. Decided I had enough of this shit,
went to Fido store to see a technician. Someone told me Fido techs don't
even bother cracking open Hiptops. Claim confirmed. A brand new (yes,
NEW) unit with a 3 month extended warranty. All the buttons are hard and
the wheel control is tight as hell. Niiiiiiiice, very nice. Me likey.
Fri Sept 9 :
got e-mail from fellow workmate DJ Omni inviting me to Electro-Chic, an
electro event downtown Montreal at chic art showroom SAT (Societé des
Arts et Technolgies. I'm sure you can figure out what it means in
english.) Got there, saw some old friends and familiar faces. Got
invariably drunk with cheap highly alcoholic beverages. A friend
presented me to a very beautiful girl named Ann-Christine and we
proceeded to talk. Very much drunk. Well, I know I was. Next thing you
know, I pulled off something I never could've sober : got her phone
number. In fact she gave it to me. I suspect an elaborate plot to
deceive me. What girl gives her number upfront.
Sat Sept 10 :
this day was too extreme for me to describe it here. It wouldn't be
appropriate anyway but let's just say I did something a guy who never
even had a one-night stand did. I can't add further details. It's THAT
indecent. And no it doesn't involve me running around the Playboy
mansion in a gorilla suit.
Sun Sep 11 :
Went over to my friend Stephane, abused some MJ and finished Halo (the
video game in case you've been living under a rock for the past 5
years).
Mon Sep 12 :
Work, as usual. Took a chance and called Ann-Christine up. Sober this
time. Yes, she remembers me. We decided to hook up the next day. Now I'm
terrified.
Tue Sep 13 :
13 is usually a lucky number for me. Hey, I'm a freak that way. Day at
work was horrendous, hopefully the day will be redeemed with an evening
with Ann-Christine. I'm crossing my fingers on that.
Wed Sep 14 :
Date last night was good. Found out she's quite a bit younger than I
thought ( of course, legal ! Are you nuts ? ) but she's refreshing as
hell in my life right now. Not long term relationship material but we'll
see how far it goes, if it goes anywhere at all. First date so jokes are
told, stories are shared and common interests surface. She's incredibly
cute I must admit. Hopefully she thinks I'm ok as well. God, I'm such a
dork.
-- From that point on, I'll try posting once a day to complete this
lame-o calendar blog. Hehehe. --
Undead attacks weblog !
Current Mood : Nervous
Curent Track : Austin Leeds & Kobbe - Fusion Love (Markus Schulz &
Austin Leeds remix)
Incredible but true ! It attacks without mercy ! Undead man unleashes
terror on unsuspecting victims !
Yes, flee mortals. I'm back and I'm not dead. But who cares, really ?
Heh. I know I don't.
Before I launch off on various subjects, I'd like to know : as a Hiptop
user, I'm wondering why they didn't assign the apostrophy key as ALT+,
(comma) instead of ALT+l ? Commas and apostrophies are related, aren't
they ? What does the letter L care about carrying the apostrophy exactly
? I'm sure it wouldn've minded being the ALT key for the dollar sign
instead. Sheesh.
Anyway, as an update to having a Hiptop, the whole point of this weblog
was to be about stuff I've written on the fly using the unit. Up until
now, every single post you see here was typed on the minuscule Hiptop
keyboard as I was most likely riding the metro, bus or was just being
driven around by some boring friends.
Do I find this to be a hindrance ? Actually no, I love being able to
post stuff online on the fly for all (read : me) to see. The Hiptop is
the single most awesomest cellphone I've ever owned, bar none. Although,
if I had to choose a real phone over this one, I'd go with my old Nokia
5100 or perhaps try the Nokia 6020. As you can tell, Nokia is my
manufacturer of choice for cellphones.
Seeing as how I work for a cellular provider, I'm well versed in the
ones my company provides for clients so I can't pretend to know every
other manufacturer by heart. I must admit, I don't know much about
Samsung phones for instance. I do know enough about Nokia,
Sony-Ericsson, Siemens, Motorola and LG phones to dislike Siemens. Why ?
Very fragile phones and extremely poor design. Hey, I'm a web and
graphics designer, I would know about ugly design or not. :)
UPDATE : well, I suppose I had to talk about the darn thing to jinx it.
As it is right now, it keeps booting up but won't stay still. It just
randomly keeps rebooting and doesn't stop. I will have to go see a
technician tonight to have it looked at...which is the last thing I want
to do. More on that soon.
